Beware of True Tales

With murmurs of a Casey Anthony book deal and the release of Jaycee Lee Dugard's A Stolen Life, Loud Library would like to remind the public that not all memoirs are worth the while . . . 

Case-in-Point #1:

By AP Images.

As if Mistaken Identity: Two Families, One Survivor, Unwavering Hope wasn’t a daunting enough title, six authors are credited:

• Don Van Ryn
• Susie Van Ryn
• Newell Cerak
• Colleen Cerak
• Whitney Cerak
• Mark Tabb, the friendly ghostwriter

Two girls.

A car crash.


One lives, ones dies.  

The one alive is actually the one thought to be dead.  

All this makes for an intriguing tale, but the true story gets bogged down in the mundane details.  A certain quote goes something like this:

So-and-So hung up the phone, grabbed her bag, packed a toothbrush and a Bible, and called her friend to cover her shift at Olive Garden.  Then, she jumped in the car and began the long drive to the hospital.

Loud Library more curious as to why So-and-So chose to take only a toothbrush. 

 What makes her so sure she will have access to toothpaste?  

What about flossing?  

And why does she work at Olive Garden?  

Has she been featured in one of those charming television commercials in which breadsticks are playfully passed?  

One can only hope.  

Sorry, what was that plot about again?


Case-in-Point #2:

By Aenneken.

Don't Hassel the Hoff [or else?], by David Hasselhoff begins backstage at Jekyll & Hyde, in which Hoff plays the eponymous roles.


He can't seem to keep straight which role is which.


Immediately following is a confusing montage of random, anecdotal information about his life in no particular chronological order.


Hoff's motivation behind writing an autobiography is to set the record straight, and to make a little money in the process.


 Beneath those muscles and a chiseled, vacant look, he is really just the misunderstood, sensitive, and thoughtful guy next door.  


While he may be a terrible actor, he is fulfilling his lifelong dream  of singing on Broadway.  

Yes, he may have dressed up as a polar and put a raw fish in his mouth for a music video, but Sammy Davis, Jr., is his idol, and the Hoff is all for civil rights.


Flip after the epilogue ["Viva Hoff Vegas"] for a filmography and  complete cast and episode listing of Baywatch and Knight Rider.


So, critics beware, heed well the advice of the title . . . 


It's really a wonderful book and everybody should read it and be nice to David Hasselhoff.


Case-in-Point #3:

By AP Images.

Take Miles to Go, the cleverly titled 2009 autobiography, which, while co-written by Miley Cyrus and Hilary Liftin, contains no information whatsoever about the life and times of Miss Liftin. 

It does, however, cover Miley’s first 16 years and an admirable amount of inspiring and quotable proverbial content. 

"Sit back, enjoy the ride and hang out with me for a little while. (sorry, cheesy driving metaphor!)", the book reads.

Oh, all right, Miley, if you insist, but only for a little while.  We do have our own lives to live, after all.

• Want to read a quality memoir?  Try this list at Goodreads.
• Have your own story to tell?  Check out these 10 steps to writing a memoir.  If you get stuck, the same website helpfully offers affordable ghostwriting services!